My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Randomize
