i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
