i jhust puked up my retainher.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize