Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
