I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
