omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
