the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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