Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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