We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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