marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
