Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
