he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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