I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
