i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
