I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
