The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
