i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
