is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
