Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
