i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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