How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
what day is it and did you see me today?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
