I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
