I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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