Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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