the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I think people are normalizing furries
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
