I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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