hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
