When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
