He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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