when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
