I need help removing her.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
