We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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