girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
