On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
