grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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