I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
