I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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