Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
