hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
