my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
