is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
