if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
