get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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