Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
