I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
