But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
