you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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