so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
