yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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