the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
