This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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