forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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