Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
